The Stylus

Issue date: 11/4/09 Section: Campus Talk

Your roommates decide to throw a party. Your house is packed and few people are of age. Two guys come to the door who look like they may be 30 years old, and have thick, cheesy mustaches. Do you let them in? No.

Chances are, these two guys are undercover officers, sent out by University and Brockport Village police campus to ruin a perfectly good night. We have all heard the news: Police are "cracking down." They have resorted to sending undercover officers to house parties in order to make Brockport "a safer place."

First of all, sending undercover officers is hardly "cracking down." Actually, it's a much nicer approach than storming into a house claiming the door was open. At least police departments are taking the time to get invited in, for a change.

However, for those of you who complain the whole process is deceiving, you're wrong. If you are dumb enough to let any random idiot into your house, you deserve to get caught. When someone comes to your door, and they can't name a single person in the house, chances are they shouldn't be there.

If you have followed any of the news surrounding the police department's latest bust, you know they were denied entry to two different, connected houses. It takes a lot to be denied entry, and I mean a lot. I could walk into a random off-campus residence and tell the person at the door I'm so-and-so's best friend's, cousin's ex-roommate. These officers had to stand out in the crowd.

Rumor has it, the undercover officers were wearing white polos and were slightly overweight. Rule No. 1: Never wear matching outfits. Rule No. 2: Don't wear white. White shirts begin the night as white and end up shades of yellow and red. Rule No. 3: If you're overweight, never, ever wear white. You will look like the Michelin man.

So, the officers were far from undercover. You can't claim sending undercover officers into parties is deception just because you were too wasted to spot them.

Now as far as making Brockport a safer place, that is just absurd. Officers aren't looking in the right places. If they want to make Brockport safer, they shouldn't waste their time looking for keg parties. Everyone knows keg parties are the safest ones on campus.

Sure it sounds crazy, but let's think about it. When you cram a house with 100 people and supply two kegs, most people are lucky to drink two beers. Unless you have the stature of Ellen DeGeneres, two beers will not lead to alcohol poisoning.

Continued...

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